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Funny police quotes

Theres a good reason why policemen in movies always have a cheesy punchline; they actually say this stuff in real life! The following quotes are gathered from various police-car video-recordings, so sit back and enjoy some funny policemen quotes.

1. Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
2. Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
3. If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.
4. Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
5. So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?
6. Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
7. Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.
8. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
9. Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in donkey crap.
10. Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
11. No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
12. Just how big were those two beers?
13. In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.
14. I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.
15. You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

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